Pale
by Kiyohime
Summary: Songfic. Light angst at beginning. Happy ending, I promise. UPDATE: Rating changed to T for language in chapter two.
1. Shizuru: Pale

_Eh… I've been feeling a bit down lately for personal reasons hence the light angst in the beginning of this songfic. Song is "Pale" by Within Temptation. Sorry if it seems short and sucks. _

**Pale**

It has been the same ever since that day we were revived back into this cruel world. Every evening, she would come over to my apartment so I could help her with her studies. I'd tease her a bit here and there. She'd blush and yell at me like usual. However, something was missing. I felt… distant. Or rather, that SHE was becoming more distant with me… like she was avoiding me.

Then I found out one night… apparently, she had been seeing another girl… a new 'friend', according to her. She had been seeing that girl more than she sees me.

I tell myself that we're just friends.

_The world seems not the same  
Though I know nothing has changed_

But in my mind, I'd like to think we're more than that… then again, I'm the one who's in love, not her. Love can make you delusional sometimes as proven.

_It's all my state of mind  
I can't leave it all behind_

Tonight, she didn't come at all. Instead all I got was a text message saying she's out with that girl again. I could feel my heart breaking.

_I have to stand up to be stronger_

I felt so sick to my stomach, due to my biggest fear overwhelming me. The fear of losing her forever. The fear of her forgetting me. But then I remind myself that we're not even dating. She's not mine. She's allowed to have friends and hang out with whoever she wishes.

_I have to try to break free  
From the thoughts in my mind_

Another text message from her. This one… I never expected to hear from her.

'I miss you. Please wait for me later. I need to talk to you.'

_Use the time that I have  
I can't say goodbye_

I felt a bit better, but my mind still lingered on the fears. A drink would help me probably. I went to my room to change into a casual outfit. After, I grabbed my wallet and keys then left my apartment. Where bittersweet memories remained where they belong. It wasn't a long drive to a club I've been visiting a lot lately since she made a new friend.

_Have to make it right  
Have to fight, 'cause I know  
In the end, it's worthwhile_

The music played loudly, drowning out various conversations and laughter. I know it's hard to picture me in a place like this, but I do enjoy my freedom too, you know. I can be a bad girl too, mind you.

_That the pain that I feel slowly fades away  
It will be alright_

Actually, think of this as my little 'runaway' place, where I find my solace.

_I know, should realize  
Time is precious, it is worthwhile_

I smiled a small yet genuine smile. My favorite band was playing right now. All I needed was my favorite drink then I'm good to go.

_Despite how I feel inside  
Have to trust it will be alright  
Have to stand up to be stronger_

White Russian, now that's one delicious beverage. I'd chug it down, lick my lips and get up like I have done for the last few days. As the song played on, I headed towards the dance floor where a large crowd of bodies swayed along, dancing to the music. I easily became one of them and let my body follow the bass as I danced without a care in the world.

_Oh, this night is too long  
I have no strength to go on  
No more pain, I'm floating away_

Completely lost in the song, I had my eyes shut as I resumed dancing along. I could feel the effects from the alcohol kicking in, just a bit but I didn't care. I felt good right now. Then I felt a pair of arms snaking around my waist, throwing me off guard. I figured it was just some lust-ridden guy wanting to get into my pants. Disgusted, I turned around and started to tell the guy off… but except, it wasn't just some guy. It was her.

My Natsuki.

_Through the mist, I see the face  
Of an angel, who calls my name_

"Shizuru…" Emerald hues bore into my eyes, they were ablaze with something I have never seen. Something good. "…I love you. Please… don't leave me."

I finally cried. For the first time in a long time… I was happier than ever. She whispered soothing words in my ear and held me close. I held on tight to her and never let go till the song ended.

_I remember… you're the reason I have to stay_

-Fin-


	2. Natsuki: Broken

_I felt that the first chapter was left unfinished. I got to thinking about Natsuki's POV and her decision to see Shizuru. This song is the only one I like by Seether because it features Amy Lee, heh. Song is "Broken" of course. _

**Broken**

This is driving me nuts. It's pretty much the same freaking thing when I go to her apartment. We study, have tea, take a short break so she could tease me a little.

However, THAT wasn't what was bothering me the most. It was Shizuru. She had changed. It seemed like she was…fake. Well, I know she puts up a mask when she's around other people but she's never been like this around me. When it's time for me to leave, she doesn't seem to mind and that bothers me. I want her to want me to stay… like she usually does.

That was when I decided to leave her alone… she probably doesn't want to see me as much because I hurt her.

So, I had became friends with someone from school and I took that as an opportunity to leave Shizuru alone and get away for a while. Last night, we only studied for an hour before I left. Although, something unexpected happened… before I left, I said good night to her then I saw sadness in the former kaichou's eyes when she looked at me and smiled slightly. She bid me good night in her usual Kyoto-ben dialect and shut the door.

And here I was now tonight, sitting in a bar and having drinks with my newfound friend while she's over there and doing God knows whatever the hell she's doing. I sent her a text, letting her know I was out tonight. When she didn't text me back a while, I started to get antsy. It had only been FIVE minutes till she texted me back.

'Oh… alright. See you then, take care.'

That left me feeling hollow. It seemed so distant… then it hit me, she's probably hurt that I see my friend more than I see her.

"Ugh… why me. Fuck it," I heaved a pained sigh and ordered myself another water. I wanted to get a beer badly but I was driving home, so I had to resist. My friend excused herself while she had to go to the bathroom and left me sitting here, staring off in space.

A new song had just begun playing on the jukebox and unlike any other song, it captured my attention. Not only the bass was good, but the lyrics… It was an American song and I thanked kami that I learned English from Shizuru.

_I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away_

I frowned. Shizuru hadn't laughed as much as she usually did before the HiME chaos. I missed her laughs… they even still held her rich accent within them and that was something unique.

_I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain…_

My friend… she doesn't fill this empty void inside me as much as Shizuru does, really. I do have fun with this girl, but with Shizuru… it's just different. In our own way, I guess. She understands me and I understand her… most of the time.

_Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

My eyes widened slightly in realization as I thought of the most worst possibilities… what if she decides to up and leave. Like move away…? Or stop talking to me. 'God, no… Shizuru.'

_You've gone away  
You don't feel me here anymore_

It was then I made a decision. She needs me. I need her.

_The worst is over now  
And we can breathe again  
I wanna hold you high and steal my pain away  
There's so much left to learn  
And no one left to fight  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain…_

"So, when are you gonna see her? Don't tell me you dunno," my friend had returned from the bathroom and I wondered why it took her so long.

"Huh, took you long enough to come back, Nao… whoring yourself out to men again?" I smirked as she glared at me and flipped me off.

"Shut up, Kuga. Look… I appreciate you hanging out with me and all. Fuck me, I can't believe I'm getting mushy…" the redhead muttered and sighed. I silently agreed. I couldn't believe it either. But it was a nice change from her. She's not so bitchy as usual.

"…I'm still uneasy about Fujino, but… if it wasn't for her, I would have never been able to spend time with mama. She would've been still in a coma. It's weird and fucked up in a way, but still… I owe Fujino one, somehow. You, on the other hand, quit moping and get your ass over to her."

I blinked at her in surprise. I hadn't realized that I was moping around whenever I was out with Nao and chuckled softly, "You're right… thanks, spider."

"Yea, yea whatever mutt. Just get the hell out of here before I ruin my reputation with this mushy shit!"

I just laughed at her, "What reputation?" A smug smirk was replied to her glare.

'_Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough_  
'_Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

I said good night to her and left. Making my familiar trek to Shizuru's apartment, my thoughts were glued back to her again. Her mischievous crimson hues. Her smile and her rich laughter. It'd kill me if she left my life for good.

'I'm coming, Shizuru… just hold on.'

Her car was just pulling out of the parking lot from her apartment and I frowned. Where was she going at this time of the night? I let out a low growl at the thought of her going out on a possible date with someone. Deciding to follow her, I kept my distance from her car so she wouldn't see me somehow.

This place where she stopped at… surprised the hell out of me. It was a freaking night club! She never goes to these places. I smirked at the thought of her being a rebel… but then blushed as I realized I found that rather hot. Shaking my head, I managed to fight off my blush and parked my bike near her car after she headed inside.

'_Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough_  
'_Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone…_

It was definitely amusing to see Shizuru in a such place as I entered and looked around. Half of the club was on the dance floor, giving themselves away to the music. But no sign of Shizuru, yet. I lurked about like a wolf on a hunt, searching for it's prey. I ignored random women and men who tried to faze me with a pick-up line or hit on me. I even had to stop and beat a guy up for trying to touch my ass.

Then there she was. Sitting at the bar…drinking. I sighed and shook my head. She can be quite the drunk when she wants to, believe it or not.

I watched her every move, even as she licked her lips which made me blush again. A part of me wanted to stay here and watch her all night, but I knew I had to catch her before she got away again.

I realized the song that the DJ was playing. It was her favorite band. I waited patiently as Shizuru rose from her seat and made way to the dance floor. Silently, I followed. I let out a soft growl when I saw a guy eyeing Shizuru, probably making his move any minute soon. I had to hurry.

'_Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone…_

Luckily, I made it on time and cut in front of the guy behind Shizuru. She had her eyes shut and was dancing to the music. She looked so… real. Not the typical kaichou anymore. It was just simply Shizuru with her mask off. Gently, I snaked my arms around her waist and pulled her close. I wanted to graze my lips along her smooth bare neck so badly but I didn't want to get punched. After all, she doesn't know it's me… yet.

As expected, she turns around and readies her fist to strike. I shocked her with one gaze right into her eyes. I could see the surprise in those crimson eyes. I watched as her soft pink lips part slightly, about to say something. I cut her off before she could even say a thing.

"Shizuru…"

It was now or never.

"…I love you. Please… don't leave me."

'You're mine, Shizuru. Don't you dare leave me… don't you dare think that you don't deserve me. I'm sorry, for hurting you.'

Unexpectedly, she cried… but I realized that it was of joy as she clung to me and buried her face in the nape of my neck. I smiled softly and nuzzled into her silky chestnut trends, even she smelled heavenly.

Faintly, I could hear the current song's last lyric and grinned.

'_I remember… you're the reason I have to stay.' _

-Fin-


End file.
